In South African culture, Mjolo is about young people expecting to find stability. As a woman or a man, you need to have something or look a certain way for you to be able to find love. During the first meet up, some usually ask "what do you do". The aim of this question is to know if they can find that stability in you. Usually financial stability. You may be driving the expensive car or wearing flashy clothes, but this question will not miss You. It gives them answers if they will be able to give you a chance for dating. First and foremost, your appearance describes you. You can be monied but if you look dirty, they can reject you. Mjolo in this country is deemed as scam.
Is it unemployment crisis or it's just about the drive of this culture? It seems to be hard for a man or a woman to find love in this day and age of Mjolo concept. If a man isn't earning or doesn't have an income, he might stay single forever. Same applies to women. Some men would go about "what do you bring on the table?"on a potential woman. The problem with this nowadays mjolo is that it requires money. Now, if a man asks a woman what does she bring on the table, does it mean he is no longer a provider? Who is suitable to ask such question when mjolo is just casual dating? Why money is involved? Aren't only married couples who should be concerned about the matters of money?
To be able to talk to your partner who stays far requires connection, which is Airtime and data. Everything. Late night dates, picnics, and etc. It's hard. You might think people are now dating for survival. And it's not. You will be lucky if you find someone who loves you for you. It's rare with this mjolo. Even if you have an income, when you don't receive it anymore, they might leave you. These are the reasons why money is involved. If the relationship without money thrives, which means that there might be an entanglement. That third person might be sponsoring one of the partners with money. Lucky are those that are still with their partners who don't have one. Money has been centered into this concept and it's destroying where partners should be celebrating each other without it. It has become God. People know longer enjoy love anymore. If it happens that broke the partners become broke, the relationship suffer the consequences. Some become bitter and even cheating gets involved. In this culture when money is lacking, there will be frustrations experienced now and then.
Efforts of a man
A man might have dreams and a good structure of plan for his future or let me just say life goals. He can be sure he has organized his life well. But once he starts involving mjolo with woman who is controlled by this culture in his life, those dreams might start getting disappear. Because mjolo to some of South African women is deemed as employment. An approach of a man to woman with the intention of wanting to be part of her life, concerning the matters of love, some begin seeing money. They start seeing their family backgrounds changing. They start seeing their future changing. They no longer focus on the matters of love. A man has to change his life goals because he feels obliged to or needs to support this woman. He needs to show this woman that he is a man enough. He'll have to seek something stable which will give him income so that he can take care of her. In South Africa, some men are working but they don't enjoy those jobs. They are working hard labor but later they don't see what they are working for because the money goes to some of these women.They don't enjoy their hardworked money. In their mentality, they are working for some of these women not them. They believe these women deserve better than them. Not their families. Which means that they know if it isn't about bringing money in the relationship, some of these women will not stay. It's not like those men don't have plans about their future. They do, but they can't chase after them because some of these women are expecting fast cash. Some of these men are living in regrets because they have abandoned their dreams due to mjolo. The saying goes "love is power" is valid. They had to compromise their future for the love they have for these women.
Some women compromise their well-bring for money.
Some women have neglected their families because of Mjolo which brings money on the table. They quit furthering their studies because there's money involved. Some of these women when they date a man with money they forget who they are. They forget where they come from and what they need to do with their lives. When they date these monied guys, they forget themselves too. Even if these guys are abusing them emotionally, mentally and physically. Instead of leaving the relationship, they stay. They think their lives are centered around money and if they leave, they will no longer be themselves again. Some women are in relationships that don't have respect, value and love because of money. Some lost their lives, some lost unborn babies being kicked on the wrong places, others lost themselves mentally. Instead of being themselves, they are no longer normal anymore.They begin living for those men. GBV(gender based violence) is something which people complain everyday. Especially women. If you could get to the bottom of this, you might find that money is involved. Instead of learning that mjolo mustn't supposed to be a death penalty or a psychiatric institution, they keep on drowning. They foster it to be a loveless experience. They rather choose money and comfort than choosing their lives. They rather choose the man who abuses them over good friends and family. And such women are very protective of these men. They can fight with you because you're trying to open their eyes. They might think you are jealous or you don't want to see them happy.
Family, social media influence and peer pressure
Some of these acts come from these women's families. Some families are poor and they use their girl children as tools to escape poverty. They use them as diamonds to bring money home. If a parent chooses for her girl child what kind of a man she must date, that's where the problem starts. Some girls are forced to date men with money. Or those that are doing good in life, rather. If a mother births a beautiful girl child, immediately she sees her as a tool to take her out of poverty. Obviously, she knows that men will show up at her. They will be running after her. What she does, she teaches her child how to date. Some girls are used by their parents. It's a pressure which they live with everyday. And they end up being used to it. Usually, mothers are heroines to their girl children. These children mostly listen to them more than the fathers. In African proverb they say, "it's bent while it's still green". They teach these girls such life at an early age. "Charity begins at home". Normally what you see in a child has been derived from what one has been taught. Blame the parent not the child. But if the child reaches adult stage, one has a courage to change those ways. Some girls lost good boyfriends because those boys couldn't take care of them. Their parents wouldn't allow it to happen. The parents who failed themselves do such so that their children uplift their homes state. Others who are doing well believe it's the benefit of the child. They think it's teaching a child to know that she deserves better and know it's self-worth.
Peer-pressure.
As the youth, we grow up amongst out peers. We live with them. There is social media too. We see people posting vacations, wearing nice clothes and flaunting cars. Some show off pictures when they are with their partners. How they live and etc. Such things require money and some women are drawn by that. They don't know that some of them are found with blood and sweat. Instead of working hard for them, they expect men to sponsor. Now, they fall into that trap of always wanting to look good and they think that's how life is. They forget that money needs to be worked hard for.
Social media influence
Social media is here and it's part of our daily lives. Phones are always at our disposal. We learn, unlearn from it. But it can build you or destroy you. It depends on how you use it. Many in relationships fall victims. Some of Unemployed young men date older and lonely women for money just because they want to look part and post on social media. They want to trend and find closure or develop self-esteem. Young girls end up dating strangers who look fake in terms of money. If a young man or girl sees someone posting something on social media and they like it, they expect their partners do the same. Now the pressure goes to innocent guys who can't afford them because of someone who fails to hold oneself. Now a poor guy needs to keep up and fall a victim of working hard so to satisfy the woman.
Anxiety.
Everyone is living with worry that if they lose what they offer or have will that treatment stay the same. Some on mjolo keep on asking themselves if it wasn't for what they have, would they be with the same partners they have. It's something which they are fighting with everyday. So, they feel pressured to work hard. It also applies same with women. We can't pretend if some men also expect women to provide. They no longer enjoy love to the fullest. Where money is concern, Mjolo becomes hard to deal with. Now emotional and mental well-being is changed.
